I am married now but I was a single mom for 14 years
When some people talk about being a single mom, their kids visit their fathers on some weekends or at all. The father of the children helps out financial even if it is to buy the child clothes or gifts. The child knows both parents and can recognize them. When I say I was a single mom, there are other women who can relate with no help and intense hardship. The 2 fathers of my 2 kids who are 7 years apart made no attempt to be at their daughters’ births.
They never independently asked how their child is doing. Nor have they paid their court ordered child support and both owe thousands in back payments that somehow, they are able to avoid paying. Neither one of them files their taxes so I don’t see their tax return which is standard in this situation. My hands are tied.
As far as a relationship with my children, they could walk in a store and pass right by their daughters and they wouldn’t recognize them nor would their daughters know who they just passed. You can’t force someone to be a good parent, but sometimes the best thing a bad parent can do is stay away.
In this situation, it may cause heartbreak or issues with my children and their self-esteem or self-love as it has affected many individuals psychologically in the past (aka daddy issues). I don’t mind having my daughters all to myself as there are benefits to being able to parent solo. Like not having to argue with someone if they disagree on your parenting decision and having more control of the situation in general. When your kids goes to a relatives house over a weekend, you don’t know who they are around or how the other parent is treating them. Parenting solo prevents these obstacles altogether.
When speaking to women now that I am married, they may be married to the father of their children having the luxury to stay at home while their husbands provide - in this scenario they assume that I’ve been just as fortunate as they are. Since I want CREDIT for doing everything on my own I can’t just accept my current situation as if it has been this way all these years. “I am married and we have 6 daughters.” This is a very basic explanation of our familial situation. A lot is assumed in this statement.
“ I was alone in every decision and received zero help and no support from ANYONE for 14 YEARS! And I would NEVER want to have a situation where it appears otherwise.”
No I have 4 bonus kids, 2 of my amazing kids and my husband and our family dynamic can be very challenging. On one hand, who cares what other people think. Yes this I know! I would rather be able to speak on a wide range of difficult topics and be able to relate to more people. Speaking to a wealthy SAHM whose kids attend private school and she can shop on a Monday early afternoon, and not have to worry about their bills or their children’s stability - This will never be my reality. Good for them honestly but I wasn’t so blessed in that area.
The struggles I faced, some being self inflicted, it all shaped me into who I am today. I’m not angry nor am I sad about my life and the way it has gone up until now. I am not regretful or resentful. I just know that in many ways I grew from these negative experiences. I find that you can’t possibly appreciate the goodness of simplicity, happiness, peace unless you went through the opposite. When I am depressed, sorrowful or angry it’s what grows me. The more you feel negative emotions the more you grow in almost every area of life.
So no, I wasn’t taken care of. My life has been a struggle. A battle I have with myself, pushing myself to do more and be more daily. I fear being the same year after year. I yearn for growth and personal development. So much wisdom out there to grasp and to apply. And it’s all in our own control.
I am thankful for the hardships because it lead me to trust and depend more on God. It was He who provided for me in so many ways over the years and he kept me safe.
